I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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