evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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