yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize