I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
