I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
