I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
