But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
