So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
