D3 body, D1 cock
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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