We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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