OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
