Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
