just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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