How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
