im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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