Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
