i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
