Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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