for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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