Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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