Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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