I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
