i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you had me at cake vodka
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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