im gay
i know
yea but for you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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