Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
