Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
