wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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