the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
