Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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