Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
