Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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