she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
