I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
