Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
