oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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