kristin has been a bad kristin
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
