I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
