Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
