Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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