girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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