You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
