Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
