she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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