oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
