I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
