Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
