Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
be right there i have to get my cape
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
