i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
