We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
