dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
