laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
