Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
