he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
