i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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