Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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