Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
