woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
