1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
