he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
