went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
