i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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