the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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