True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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