She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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