honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
