im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
