I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
