How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
